Parents pushing children into sports a problem, growing in culture (U. Rhode Island)

By Meghan Vendettoli
Source: U-WIRE

(U-WIRE) KINGSTON, R.I. -- Rick Wolff, the chairman of the Institute for International Sport's Center for Sports Parenting, spoke about the unreasonable expectations of parents for their children's athletic futures as part of the University of Rhode Island Honors Colloquium Wednesday night.

Wolff discussed how sports society has changed since he was a child and he also hosted a panel on the issue.

"We just played cause it was fun," Wolff said. "Why is it now, 10 to 15 years later with our kids, who we want the best for, that we lose perspective? Why don't we as parents get it?"

He reminisced about his average Saturday in the park as a child playing sports with whoever walked by, without referees and parents.

"If there was a problem during the game we would discuss it for 30 or 45 seconds then just have a 'do-over.' Our kids under the age of 10, they are not familiar with the concept of 'do-overs.' It's not in their vocabulary."

Wolff asked the panel for their thoughts on the subject.

"A lot of parents today are acting like agents and their kids get stuck because they're here for the scholarship, and the love for the sport is gone," said Winkle Kelley, academic advisor to student athletes at URI.

"Who are the people out there leading the way to try to change this?" Chuck Hamlet, former head of Saint George's School in Newport, said.

The main concern of both the panel and Wolff was the fact that parents throughout the country are pushing their 5- and 6-year-olds to excel in the sport of their choice at the expense of the child's happiness.

"If you look at kids today and see what they do for fun, it's usually skateboarding, snowboarding and skating," Wolff said. "Because there are no rules and no parents. They can sit back and have fun"

Through driving their children to excel in athletics, most parents end up pushing the child in the other direction. Wolff said that according to Michigan State studies, "Three out of four kids will quit playing sports by the age of 14."

Most parents believe that their child will be the one to make Division 1 at the college level with a full-ride scholarship and beyond, although less than four percent of high school students will play collegiate sports. "

A lot of parents don't get it and the kids become the victims," Wolff said.

Wolff asked URI men's basketball head coach Jim Baron, "How many kids try out for the URI team, with hopes of getting a full ride?"

"It's in the thousands," Baron said. "Videos and letters pour in because every kid thinks they have a shot."

"My coach at summer baseball used to say you can go to the beach or you can come to practice," Baron said. "But you have to discipline yourself cause if not, someone else is going to get that opportunity to get into college."

The night continued with 'role-playing games' initialized by Wolff. He asked members of the panel to go along with the predicaments he laid out for them. They did not seem to get very far with the idea.

The panel continued looking at the problems with parents living life vicariously through their children.

"The parents are few and far in between who really value the essentials for the child," Kerry said. "No matter [which professional athletes] I spoke to, whether they were from Pennsylvania, California, New York, they all said they would never want their kids to go through what they went through to get where they are today," Wolff said.

(C) 2005 The Good Five Cent Cigar via U-WIRE

 

What about a dress code?

As the NBA wants to institute an off-the-court dress code for their players and as I read the reaction (that some might consider childish) of the players, I was thinking about this issue that is also very delicate in kids sports. I can understand a professional team owner that pays his players millions of dollars wanting them to give a proper image of his team. But what are the reason behind dress code for kids in sport?

When I am talking about dress code here, I am not talking about wearing a long sleeve leotard in gymnastics, a polo shirt in golf, or team uniforms. I am talking here about a dress code when kids are going for a game for example, or traveling together. Some are asking players to wear suit and tie. For others it is dark pants and a white shirt, polo, or turtleneck. Whatever the dress code is, it is always a delicate issues because it involves more expenses for the parents. And for the organisation; what sanction can you apply if a kid doesn't meet the dress code or if parents don't approve, for whatever reason, the dress code. You ban the kid out of the team? What's the point? What would you gain?

I don't have a strict opinion on this matter. While I do not judge a 'book by its cover', on the other hand, you do not dress for work like you dress for a beach party. I believe that having kids wearing the same outfit gives a cool look to the team or club. It says: "I belong to this team and I am serious about it". But I do not think that it should be instituted. I don't think a kid should be penalized by not following the dress code. Then again, if one kid doesn't have the outfit while the rest of the team does, then he will certainly feel rejected. Kind of a catch 22 here.

Dress code should be discussed at the beginning of the year with parents. If all of them want the dress code, fine. If all of them do not want the dress code, fine again. And when you have a split decision, then it is time to let your imagination go. You can propose a less expensive outfit, you can raise funds or find a sponsor to lower the outfit cost.

Overall, do not put to much emphasis on this. Emphasis should be put first on skills development, not on 'what to wear'. After all, the members of the most corrupted government in the history of Canada, the Liberal Party, are all wearing ties and suits. And what do the managers of Enron and Worldcom were wearing before ending up in jail? Think about that ;-)